RESOURCES
A few things to read, download, or sit with on your own time — whether or not you're ready to reach out yet.
Be sure to check back here from time to time for additional resources.
DOWNLOADS
Free information you can put to use right away — no email required, no strings attached.
A short, practical guide to the four capacities that determine how you actually hold up under pressure in your closest relationships.
Direct questions for turning the Four Points of Balance back on your own life, one honest answer at a time.
Dr. Schnarch's last manuscript on recognizing regressions — when you've emotionally "gone under" — and the brain-based way back to the surface.
Different voices, one recurring truth — real closeness depends on two people who are still, stubbornly, themselves.
MORE BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS
Books that reflect this approach, and a few personal favorites.
Resurrecting Sex by David Schnarch, Ph.D.
Schnarch's more clinical, hands-on companion to Passionate Marriage, applying the same approach directly to sexual problems and how to actually work through them, not just around them.
Growing Yourself Up by Jenny Brown, Ph.D.
A clear, accessible way into Bowen family systems theory — the thinking about family patterns and differentiation that underlies a lot of this work.
How to Be an Adult in Relationships by David Richo
A gentle, practical guide to the five capacities — attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection, and allowing — that make mature love possible.
Personhood by Leo Buscaglia
A warm, wide-ranging look at what it actually takes to become a fully realized person, drawing on philosophy, world religion, and a lifetime of paying close attention to people.
The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupery
A personal favorite outside the field, about how easily adults lose the ability to see what matters most — and how to get that back.
Gift From the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh
A quiet meditation on solitude and self, and what it actually takes to stay connected to yourself while staying connected to others.
ARTICLES, PODCASTS, & WEBSITES
Occasional writing on relationships, differentiation, and what it actually takes to love well.
Differentiation Is the Crucial Relationship
Skill You Need
Friedman's Fables: The Bridge by
Edwin Friedman
The Crucible of Growth: Beyond the Culture of Validation
International Crucible Therapy Education Center
Crucible Theory: Lacy Stump, LCMFT is a guest on The Theories We Carry
REACH OUT
Paula Pate, LCMFT
Pate Consulting, LLC
Wichita, KS
Virtual consultations available
316-737-7504